1.31.2006

Donut Pub

Salient features of the Donuts El Charro donut pub, scheduled for a March 2007 opening in Cincinnati's lovely Over the Rhine neighborhood:

1. Burger, Christian Moerlein, Little Kings, and Hudepohl (we call it "Hudy"), your choice of draft of bottled. Drafts $2 per, bottles for $3, with complimentary "Diver Down" donut included ("Ring Toss" style).

2. A comprehensive lexicon of donutry: Plain Glazed, Iced Glazed (Chocolate, Vanilla, Cherry, Maple, Vanilla Stripe, Black and White), Butter Nut, Coconut, Choco-nut, Chocolate-Filled, Vanilla-Filled, Powdered, Choco-Dipp, Chocolate Cake, Raspberry Cake, and the famous "Diver Down".

Always crullers, never sticks: Glazed, Chocolate Cake, Marble Glazed, Silver Streak...and, by popular demand, Red Jelly.

NOTE: all Iced Glazed donuts available with "jimmies"...you just need to know where to look!

3. For weight watchers, the Sconut (patent pending): baked not fried! Pear Spice, Cardamom, Almond, Oatmeal Cranberry available.

4. Shirts available: "There's No Time For 'Ugh' In Donuts!" (S, M, L, XL; red on yellow, yellow on green); "Always Crullers, Never Sticks" (S, M, L, XL; white on black, blue on white); "Diver Down" (M only; green on blue, blue on white); "Donuts El Charro (Charo image)" (S, M, L, XL, baby tee; white on black, red on yellow, blue on white); "Donuts El Charro (Zaha Hadid image)" (S, M, L, XL; brown on white, purple on white).

5. Pedal flushing available on all urinals.

1.30.2006

I Just Can't Avoid The Void In Void

The index of speed is also one of morphological clarity. That is—as speed decreases, we gain a better understanding of the object’s shape; as it increases, we gain a better understanding of the motion’s shape. To restore the opposite sides of the index to an equal footing, one must quite denigrate the former in order to attend to the underprivileged latter.

In compostion, some feel that owing to the condition of music (compelling all sounds into speed and active juxtaposition) the sound-object must become privileged as its tangible counterpart would be—deceleration (to the near point of stasis) being the method. On the contrary—I offer that violent acceleration is our only means towards understanding music, and by extension the whole of the real perceptual field, in any progressive fashion. As we approach simultaneity via that heightened velocity, we approach in our perception the simultaneity of all and any demonstrable phenomena.

1.29.2006

Screenplay No. 1 (For Your Consideration)

"Worktape"

Six images-fleuves—five even, non-contiguous square boxes across the bottom of the view with each fingernail of one hand being cleaned by a tool of the actor’s choice (to clarify—one fingertip in each screen, the undernails being scraped out). Majority of screen (exact proportion to be determined by director) devoted to a static shot of youths (preferably found as is—if cast, throw in one girl with the rest boys) BMXing in an empty parking lot. Maybe mountains visible in the distance? Ask youths to stay reasonably close to camera range but don’t have a fit about it. Yellowish tint on finger shots, “Natural” or clear as possible on BMX shot. Only soundtrack is the sound of the BMX scene. Five minutes long.

Perfect Lovers

"Every time they see a clock or a stack of paper or a curtain, I want them to think twice."

-Felix Gonzalez-Torres

1.27.2006

Ten Eremites To Watch

Experts predict these hot boys (and girl) will be tearing up the pillars, cells, and abandoned fortresses this year!

Check out:

10.Ephraem (a nearby option for travelers on a budget)
9.Alypius (some unique austerities you won't see anywhere else)
8.Simeon Stylites the Younger (taking after dear ol' Dad...with a whole new twist)
7.Hilarion (don't let the name fool you--one tormented sinner)
6.Luke the Younger (perfect for families and smaller groups)
5.Thais (token female?--she can hold her own with the guys!)
4.Daniel Stylites (see it to believe it--this Stylites is known to sit on his pillar)
3.Nilus (an out-of-the-way treasure that ladies will love)
2.Isidore of Pelusium (a definite up-and-comer with a style all his own--but still has a ways to go to catch...)
1.SIMEON STYLITES THE ELDER (well, who else?--what are you waiting for, pay a visit...and tell him we sent you!)

1.26.2006

Amateur Of Psychedelia

That psychedelia, properly considered, is the world seen as a wholeness: a single body with any knowledge of unit and seemly division forgotten. That psychedelia appreciates and seeks taperings, matchings, and series—at once as single and as various as the shoots from a common bulb.

Use—being the employment of units, proscriptive words, filing, the like—is itself the unit consumed by psychedelia. Psychedelia destroys usual constructions necessary for a directed negotiation of the world, and accomplishes this by presenting the backdrop of higher fact that these constructions are dug into and founded upon. Psychedelia is precisely the view that is not conducive to anything at all, but is only conducivity itself. (As it were, a broken lamp in a broken pitcher of water—electric charge awaits the unwary walker.)

Ten characteristic expressions:

1. The mystical, which is an incorrect excrescence, but operates along certain discrete and negotiably true axes (the planets, certain perceived stellar groups, an inventory of named human inclinations). It operates between disparate phenomena and declares their unity on a wholly causal basis, a wholly knowable level. Most notably, it works--it assumes independent and unsubsidized life.

2. The transposition of colors hints at the arbitrary nature of all color phenomena. It generally insists on inarguably human-born dye-compounds suffusing the otherwise tiresome effusions of nature at large.

3. Glowings. That the nature and influence of any given object extends beyond what we agree to set as its bounds. The clearest example is that the UV-treated object sprays more light than it is generally credited for. To extend the thought, though—is it not true that every scratch left in the floor is actually a working part of the chair itself?

4. Questions of scale are wrestled with, as Jacob wrestled with his better, the angel. A textbook could portray on a page the single-armed galaxy and the spermatozoon, as ‘picted indeed close analogues. It proceeds, well beyond the ken of many, that our own eyes are well capable of such feats of juxtaposition given slight and simple aids. We often hear of the lesser wheel nestled in the greater, without any convincing talk of how this housing works mechanically. Nonetheless, it is observed to; furthermore, the suspicion exists that is intended precisely as a purposed, producing, working model. A characteristic question: does the discovery of any gear necessitate higher gears to tooth to?

5. Synesthesia—and any sensitive observer will be struck with the innocence, the improbable recurrence of, the essential loneliness that clothes the professing synesthete. By our lights, the synesthetic operates by playing a keyed organ in accompaniment to all data, with absurd specific hues (or other sensations) tagged to each discretum. Could it not also be true that our every impression is similarly procrusted upon a sort of tempered scale—our impressions (save the synesthete’s) in strict monophony?

6. Time is bandied about; but scarcely, we notice, with any striking deformation. A minute takes longer, or an hour is missed. Scarcely any wholesale deformation, tumor, keloid. Memory may make interjections beyond its usual wont; but these incursions are quickly dismissed, as we indeed dismiss any of memory’s operations. Should memory be so despised? Is it faulty, incapacious, and permeable storage? Is it a misfiring true time-sense? If time is only a tool that is built into the human, why is index of error so slight and narrow?

7. Oracular talk; the Sibyls, as should have been clear all this time, were victims of wholly adverse inhalations. The discouragement of such proceedings proceeds apace; so that respectable people teach Isaiah or John of Patmos, and take care not to move as they moved; and might importune a sweet chariot, but not with any whole conviction. We deprecate any speech that might show—no, we show often enough, but fail to consruct linkages behind ostensible discreta. But then, there is too much work to be done these days, and even flowers of leisure must, for the sake of utility, be expertly pruned of their superfluities.

8. Swirling occurs, because any qualities extended through space or time are curled from their accustomed paths by fancy. Is this fancy free? No—it occurs, sport as it may, only in a select orbit, around a central point of collapse. New elements are continually poured along the sides, play for their term, and are discarded as they arrive at the terminus. This arrangement might be attributed solely to the curiously indefatigable concept of view.

9. Echo, confirming that any utterance is not the sole property of the speaker. Proclamations into an immensity swerve in the air and confront the mouth that breathed them with a suspicious celerity. Upon applying characteristic psychedelic operations to space-time, the problem appears in a simpler light—what had shown as the boomeranging and proliferation of one emitted vector appears as a contemporaneous flow’ring of brothers or sisters. The utterance, then, is only a inert model on the speaker’s tongue.

10. Tenderness, as elements human and otherwise declare a newfound willingness to enter into each other. From a strict regime constituted by male-female piston-work, unyielding prickers and abject sinks of oil, the model softs into sighs and willingness—“you may, you may, you may”.

Snow Is Evidently Unpleasant

"...if he wants to elevate himself above the daily rut, he resorts to figures of speech. Since to him, snow is evidently unpleasant at times, he compares it to a woman's shimmering bosom, and as soon as he begins to tire of his wife's breasts, he likens them to shimmering snow."

Robert Musil, The Man Without Qualities (tr. S. Wilkins)

1.25.2006

Screenplay No. 5 (For Your Consideration)

"Adoring Angels"

This should be shot on the stage of a well-funded middle school (though this need not be obvious upon visual inspection of the film). An intense yellow spotlight should fade in at a sleepy pace on a pair of actors in their late 20s, with the long-nosed and square-lipped look beloved in 19th century European popular culture. They are wearing togas of gold lame (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), and have their profiles set to the left (they are on the right side of the screen). As they become discernable, they start making cooing noises and putting on delighted faces (think of a campier Bill Viola—if that’s possible). After 20 seconds of this, natural white light should start to illuminate (a quicker pace than the yellow) the scene about them—bare floorboards, a backdrop of white dots (no patterns or constellations) on black, and an 8’ radius crescent moon hanging approximately 7' off the ground, slightly left of center. The golden spotlight, after 30 seconds of this combined tableau, fades away at the same place it faded in, leaving the actors under the white light. This completed, a 10 second pause—then the white light exits at the same pace it came in at. When the actors cease to be discernable, they stop cooing. This film begins and ends with 10 seconds of dark stage. Standard cinematography. Oh, and the bounds of the stage should be bounds of the camera (perhaps a bit more visible along the bottom?).

1.23.2006

Bewilderment

"Truly, the world is full of emotion--more or less--but it is caught in bewilderment to a far more important degree. And the purpose of art, so far as it has any, is not at least to copy that, but lies in the resolution of difficulties to its own comprehensive organization of materials. And by so doing, in this case, rather than by copying, it takes its place as most human."

-William Carlos Williams, from "The Work of Gertrude Stein"

1.22.2006

Songs Heard By A Recent American Traveller In Mexico City

1."The Neverending Story"
2."96 Tears"
3."Piano Man"
4."Hard For Me To Say I'm Sorry"
5."The Scientist"
6."Lithium"
7."Another Brick In The Wall"
8."Last Caress"
9."All That She Wants"
10."Bicycle Race"
11."The Girl From Ipanema" (twice)
12."Stan"
13."Cracklin' Rosie"
14."Seven Nation Army"
15."Iron Man"
16."Trouble"

1.21.2006

2006 Starting Third Basemen Ranked By Name

1.Mark Teahen, Royals
2.Adrian Beltre, Mariners
3.Hank Blalock, Rangers
4.Aramis Ramirez, Cubs
5.Chipper Jones, Braves
6.Joe Randa, Pirates
7.Troy Glaus, Blue Jays
8.Scott Rolen, Cardinals
9.Pedro Feliz, Giants
10.Brandon Inge, Tigers
11.Aaron Boone, Indians
12.Garrett Atkins, Rockies
13.Bill Hall, Brewers
14.Joe Crede, White Sox
15.Edwin Encarnacion, Reds
16.Edgardo Alfonzo, Angels
17.Chad Tracy, Diamondbacks
18.Eric Chavez, Athletics
19.Bill Mueller, Dodgers
20.Miguel Cabrera, Marlins
21.Morgan Ensberg, Astros
22.Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals
23.Tony Batista, Twins
24.Sean Burroughs, Devil Rays
25.David Bell, Phillies
26.David Wright, Mets
27.Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
28.Vinny Castilla, Padres
29.Mike Lowell, Red Sox
30.Melvin Mora, Orioles

1.20.2006

Sample Bismuth Drinks

CHORE BOY
2 oz. scotch
1 oz. bismuth medicine
juice of 1/2 lime

APRIL HARE
1 oz. Drambuie
1 oz. creme de menthe
1 1/2 oz. creme de cassis
1 oz. bismuth medicine
dash of bitters

COMPROMISED MERCHANT
1 oz. anisette
2 oz. tequila
1 oz. bismuth medicine

THE HARDWICK
3 oz. Calvados
1 oz. bismuth medicine
1/2 tsp. powdered sugar

SEAL OF BARBADOS
1 oz. vodka
1 oz. blue curacao
1 oz. white curacao
1 oz. bismuth medicine
twist of lemon