Theme Bands (For Bored Musicians): Pt. 1, Covers Division

LAUCH FAIRCLOTH

Impersonate a blues band made up of suburban dads. Think: a white-on-black Stratocaster, an authentic "Lucille" copy, a five-string bass, Life is Good sweatshirts, backwards Black Dog hats, Ray-Bans, faded Lee jeans, white sneaks, ponytails (no goatees). Interminable, tremolo bar-heavy solos; all standard covers, with one generic original loudly announced as "Dave's Blues".

MIDDLE MANAGEMENT

Two people in boxy suits, one on guitar and one on "soft" electronic piano. They play jazz favorites sedated to the point of improbability. They play on a stage decorated with two potted palms, a water cooler, and a coffee machine. The audience is welcome to help themselves to water (the coffee is for the band).

HIDDEN WHEELS

All-dyke Rites of Spring cover band.

PRIDE AND JOY

Impersonate two natty old men via makeup and clothes (tweedy hats with dyed feathers help). Go to a local karaoke night and give your names as "Mr. Pride" and "Mr. Joy". Sing your selections as duets, in exaggerated Brooklyn accents with broad big-band inflections. Suggested songs: "Lovefool", "River of Dreams", maybe "Young Turks". Nothing too obvious!

THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOUNTAIN

Two acoustic guitarists. At the beginning of their set, they take three Percocets in full view of the audience. They proceed to play "The Bear Went Over The Mountain" for as long as they can.