More Brief Fancies

1.
Two ideas for future compact discs:

-An anthology of the greatest hip-hop skits of all time.
-An anthology of "big finishes" from live rock songs. You know what I mean: it's 1988, Eric Clapton and his band wrap up a cooking version of "Crossroads" and top off the excitement like so: "Dum do dum do dum do, do do do...(drums clatter away on their own for a bit)...DUM DUMMMMMM...(drums clatter away a bit more)...DUM!"

Garner around 80 of each of these things (shouldn't be hard), edit them out of their respective contexts, and string them together.

2.
"Oh, mailboxes are the loneliest, loneliest things...people just throw things at them and walk away...their friend is the mail carrier, and he steals from them...Oh!"
-Joanie

3.
My friends Will and Joanie are a riot. This weekend we had a great time! We played foursquare and went to "Tacos Lupita" for pupusas. Then we watched a movie, "Explorers". Cute kids!!!

4.
PROPOSAL FOR A THROWBACK VIDEO STORE
Find a cheap storefront and create your own independent video store; give it an outlandish name like JAZZY'S VIDEO or RAZZY'S VIDEO or something of the like. Advertise occasionally in the community paper, but NOT the main local paper or (God forbid) alternative weekly. Keep three employees, all male--outfit them with brown polo shirts and name pins. Use an annotated photo of Marge Schott in the back room to make clear that the dress code precludes facial hair or piercings. Bind all of your videos in improbably bulky plastic sheathes. Decorate the store with posters for Barfly, Amazon Women On The Moon, and Christine. Resist the urge to display anything having anything to do with Star Wars; in fact, do not stock Star Wars and point enquiring customers to Flight Of The Navigator instead. Of course, 20-30% of the stock must be in Beta.

5.
I couldn't find this information anywhere else on the Web, so I'll put it here: cleaning vomit out of a knitted cap might take you the better part of a week, and the better part of a bottle of Woolite. Help, Heloise!